As parents of extraordinary children we are often asked to share what parenting our children has taught us. For many reasons, several already discussed here on this blog, I resist these sorts of questions that romanticize this difficult journey and force parents to ignore chaos and offer a sunny soundbite usually designed to make others feel good and virtuous. As Craig Davidson author of Precious Cargo: My Year of Driving the Kids on School Bus 3077 answered when asked that question during a recent CBC interview, “these kids are not mini-Obi Wan Kenobi’s, it is not their job to teach us the great mysteries of life”.
However I did want to share some of the things I have discovered while caring for my son.
1. 60cc syringes can double as turkey basters in a pinch.
2. “How did you get poop THERE?” is a perfectly reasonable question to address to my 17 year old son.
3. “How did I get poop THERE?” is an equally reasonable question.
4. Hot coffee and really good hand lotion are signs that there is a God and She loves us.
5. There is nothing worse than the smell of puked Peptamen.
6. 6occ syringes made excellent water guns for children whose pacifist mother did not allow toy guns. This particular problem was eventually rectified when their father came home with an arsenal of super soakers telling me that such toys were essential for a “normal” childhood and were not likely to turn my children into mass murderers. Thus far my (now 15, 17, and 19 yr old) children are not mass murderers and the super soakers have been enjoyed by young and old alike.
7. You can read Robert Munsch books for 17 years continuously and never get tired of the stories. They are that good.
8. Tinkerbell movies can be equally as effective as morphine. Makes you wonder if Disney is doing something subliminal we can’t understand.
9. The Wiggles and Teletubbies videos played endlessly qualify as torture and guidelines for their safe use and consumption should be mandated by the UN.
10. I was apparently put on this earth to do laundry.